Emily Axford (AKA the Queen Bitch, AKA Hell's Nightmare) is a comedian and hosts 8-Bit Book Club with husband Brian Murphy and previous CollegeHumor coworker Caldwell Tanner. Emily is single-handedly the reason the podcast is marked as explicit. Emily is known for her dirty mind, her insights to the true meanings of books, and her incorrect recollections of classic games or shows.
Emily can commonly be found travelling around on a green horse claiming to be a lost princess from a magical world, usually in breeches and an autumnal feathered runecloth cloak. She also pines after Roy Koopa, the coolest bad-boy lizard in town.
From an early age, Emily always wanted big boobs. She'd draw them and stick pictures of them on her bedroom walls, it was all she thought about. But when puberty came and left her boobs, her one dream, in the dark... she changed. Her frustration gave her a potty-mouth like no other, creating a breeding ground for bad teeth monsters who began drilling her teeth into tooth dust. She also started calling people "daddy".
Her early life is also reflected on the show, as she claims she gets anxiety while reading out loud as it reminds her of biology class. She is now a celebrity puzzle master and lore-smoother with a huge house and a rolodex of women who want to sleep with her.
- "Every time I make a new friend I show them my pussy." (Episode 22 - Legend of Zelda Adventure Book: The Shadow Prince)
- "Who's your favourite... Creature, and who's your favourite... Star." (Episode 27 - Digimon Manga)
- "When you're a puzzle celebrity, the poon comes to you. You honestly don't even have to leave your house, if anything you need to lock your doors, because it will crawl in through the vents." (Episode 33 - Super Mario Adventure Book: Koopa Capers (Part 2))
- "Um, guys seriously, you better put away that Kylo Ren topless picture before I flood the place." (Episode 46 - Santa Pac's Merry Berry Day)